You Can Not Become Anything You Want

For a moment, forget everything you have heard about that "You can become anything you want," because it might be one of the biggest self-damage illusions in personal development. 

The reality is that you can not be anything you want if that "want" is based on an illusion of who you are and is disconnected from your innate qualities.

This blog post aims to give you answers, inspiration, and curiosity to take an extra leap to discover something new about yourself. I hope you find an understanding in the possibility that you only have to be the one you are meant to be.

At the end of the post, you get 5 questions to help you gain valuable insights about yourself. 

BORN TO BE YOU

We are all born with an innate pattern and a set of characteristics that are inherent to us. As with everything else in our DNA, our "true self" is with us from the beginning. The same information that determines the color of our eyes, height, and general appearance also determines our abilities, characteristics, and personality.

Few people accept —and are not accepted for—who they are. They aren't even interested in finding out. As a result, they are constantly forced to conform to what family, culture, and society say is the "right way" to be. As soon as we adapt to others' wishes, misery becomes our faithful and uncomfortable traveling companion.

We are conditioned with definitions of what we should have, be, and do to be happy. Most of the time, we can't catch up with those pre-determined expectations. And even when we can, we don't find the excitement, satisfaction, and joy we are looking for. 

I often encounter clients who are disconnected from who they really are. From an early age, they started to design a suitable identity based on expectations from others. They have an idea of what success means, and concepts of what's the "right way" have been imprinted in their minds. 

Most of my clients have become excellent at what they choose to do and are appreciated by others, but they know; It's not who they are.

Furthermore, I have met clients who have achieved great success with their designed identities and have learned how to overcome hardships using their imaginations for a better future. However, their future vision rarely matches with who they are. 

The expected happiness radiated in its absence because of the disconnection between what they thought they wanted and who they were born to be. Often my clients' visions only provided temporary satisfaction - even when they pursued their dreams and achieved their goals. 

Even if my clients are not suffering from full-blown depression or anxiety, they lack fulfillment. They are not always dissatisfied with their career since it pays their bills and gives them comfort, but they wish they had more time to do things they enjoy, be more creative, and do something more meaningful. 

YOU CAN ONLY BECOME WHAT YOU WERE MEANT TO BE

Sometimes you don't have the personality to become anything you want because you weren't created that way. 

Consider this: A palm tree can only be a palm tree but can never become a pine tree. Nevertheless, each person can strive to be the best and maximize the conditions and circumstances for that version.

It's not very successful to plant a palm tree in the Antarctic and blame something is wrong with the tree. Jealousy toward a pine tree and trying to become a pine tree are equally futile. Yet, this is what people all over the world are trying to achieve.

A great deal of work is being put into designing an identity that pleases inbuilt values of what we should aspire to become. Our problem is that we are excellent at tricking ourselves into delusions. 

There is a tendency to overlook that being good at something does not mean it's aligned with our authentic selves. We can find it difficult to see past this illusion, especially when we are good at making money and making people happy. But deep down, we know when our life isn't what we were meant to live.

Conscious or not, the discrepancy in what we are trying to be and what we are built to be, makes us feel unfulfilled, frustrated, and unhappy. 

A lack of understanding of this discrepancy phenomenon leads to undesirable behaviors that negatively influence others. In other words, we have created a self-generating cycle of misery.

MAKING AN IMPACT IN THE WORLD REQUIRES KNOWING WHO YOU ARE 

To end suffering and misery in the world, people need to understand who they are. They need to be aware of their construction, nurturing of what they have, and allow themselves to become what they were designed to be. 

When we start living a life that honors who we are, misery vanishes, and we encounter three pleasurable sides effect;

⚆ Competition disappears,

⚆ Consumption decreases

⚆ Compassion increases.

There is no need for destructive competition when people are satisfied and proud of who they are. People also don't have to prove that they are something they aren't or cover themselves up with unnecessary accessories, which reduces consumption. Finally, content people can afford to feel genuine compassion and give away resources to help others become their authentic selves.

How do you gain clarity about yourself to live congruently and aligned with who you were created to be?

When you remove the perception of your designed identity, eliminate the illusion of who you want to be, and ignore the pressure of what others think you should be, you will experience a new kind of freedom.

Begin to be curious to find out who you really are. As you explore what you are missing, you almost always return to something you enjoyed as a child. Therefore it's a good investment to look at your history and get some clarity on what you were thought and conditioned to be. 

Ask yourself the questions below without trying too hard to find the answers. If the answers do not come easy, just ask the questions and wait for the answers to come to you.

Important Reminder: Focus on the facts of your past, and avoid judging or valuing your experiences.

1. What patterns have always been with you? 

2. What feelings, attitudes, or behaviors have you tried to hide?

3. What have you been criticized or commented on?

4. What memories do you have from being genuinely excited?

5. What did you use to like doing as a kid? 

When you discover your answers, ask those following-up questions. 

1. How can you use the narratives in your patterns to be happy?

2. What if your hidden behaviors are your "superpowers"? 

3. What would change if you converted the criticism into compliments?

4. How can you include the ingredients from your "exciting times" in the present?

5. What would change If you incorporated what you liked as a child into your life? 

Knowing that you only have to be the one you are meant to be—not what you or someone else wants you to be—is liberating. It's also surprisingly releasing when you can let go of the visions you've struggled to realize because you no longer want to achieve them.

With a magnifying glass on yourself, you will discover pieces of yourself you weren't aware of and aspects you have tried to hide. Taking out the perception of your designed identity and removing the illusion of who you wanna be your true personality will guide you to effortlessly maximize your abilities and potential. 

Happiness is effortless when you know who you are, don't compare yourself to others, and improve your skills to become better at who you are. 

 Birgitta

WHAT'S YOUR NEXT STEP?

If you want to go deeper into your authentic self my "short cut program" Vivid Vision Quest will uncover secrets about yourself, clarify what you really want, and provide you with a strategy on how to get there.